REVIEW: 'Call Of Duty: Black Ops III BETA'

I'm about to do something I'd promised I would never do: I'm going to review a Call Of Duty game. Yes, the summer drought has gotten so bad that when Activision suddenly announced that the beta of Blacks Ops III is now free on Steam I had no choice but to wait the four sodding hours it took to download (which is longer than the average Call Of Duty story mode) and bash out this review in the space of a few hours. You're welcome.

REVIEW: 'Volume'

Is it fair to review a game I admittedly haven't played all the way through? Well, I suppose I can explain precisely why I didn't play this for long.

REVIEW: 'Team Fortress 2'

Why am I reviewing one of the most popular free to play games ever made? The biggest online shooter out there? Because, after spending a whole day getting it ready, my computer decided to celebrate the arrival of Windows 10 by getting drunk and corrupting it's liver (system file). The only to solve this is to have a liver transplant (reset my PC to factory settings and install Windows 10 all over again) whilst also coping with amnesia (my computer losing all it's data in the process).

RE-REVIEW: 'Mount and Blade: Warband'

Why assasinate a corpse? Why garnish chicken cordon-bleu with more chicken cordon-bleu? Why review a game I've already reviewed? Because, like Skyrim, I've sunk an embarrasingly long amount of time into this game and I need an excuse for doing so.

ARTICLE: 'Gaming Is Now For The Elite'

Perhaps because of the recent election results, I've been extremely bitter towards the 1% of society who inexplicably own the entire world. This includes the arts sector, and just when I thought gaming was becoming socially accepted despite already being the highest earning entertainment industry, the average age of politicians has soared - meaning we can expect another five years of besuited gentlemen thinking that you steer a controller like a wheel and Zelda is the name of the hero.

RETROSPECTIVE: 'Half Life 2: Episode 1' AND 'Half Life 2: Episode 2'

Fans were disappointed when Half Life 2 ended on yet another cliffhanger, but subsequently delighted in 2005 when Valve released the confusingly named Half Life 2: Episode 1. It's basically 'Half Life 3' but split into episodic instalments so Valve could deliver games faster and respond to audience feedback as they went on. The whole thing seems laughable now.